Trust: How Do You Know When You Have It? * Incedo Group

Trust: How Do You Know When You Have It?

Recently I wrote an article on defining trust…what is it? It’s a big topic for me and as part of this I’ve been asking everyone to tell me their definition of trust.

Today I want to talk about how you know when you have someone’s trust. Of course it’s easy if someone tells you but that’s not often the case. We don’t go around telling people “I trust you” or “I don’t trust you”, especially in business relationships. But before I give you some ideas on how you know if you have someone’s trust or not let’s make a distinction between performance and ethical based trust. Performance based trust is believing that someone will do what they say they are going to do. You trust that they will complete the task on time, deliver the goods as promised, be available for the call you calendared…basically that what they say is exactly what they do. I would even suggest that performance based trust includes a belief that if there is a problem you can count on them to handle it to your satisfaction. Ethical based trust is value based. What I mean is that what you and I consider ethical may not be the same. Silly example: Is it unethical to take home pens or notebooks from your employer? Some of you would say ABSOLUTELY! Probably many of us would say it depends on whether we are using for work or personal use. But most of us would consider it unethical to steal money from our employer or take home something of substantial value. Thus ethical trust is based on your own values.

Now how do you know when someone trusts you, or not? What behaviors might you see or what would they say to you that would indicate a level of trust?

Your boss gives you a project, tells you what they want as the outcome and by when and lets you figure out the how. Chances are you have proven yourself enough times they don’t feel the need to micro manage. Note: Some managers have to be in control and will always feel the need to outline all the details. It may have nothing to do with them trusting you specifically.
Whenever you are tell your spouse, partner or S.O. that you are going out with friends you don’t get a series of ‘where are you going, who else is going to be there, when will you be home, what are you going to be doing’…those 3^rd degree questions that likely indicate they don’t trust you.
You get accused of something and your boss or parent simply asks if you did it and accepts your answer. They trust you to tell them the truth.
There’s a problem with (fill in the blank) and your client calls to complain. But instead of raising hell they simply communicate the situation and wait for your response.
You show up late for a meeting. When you offer explanation people shrug their shoulders and simply move on. Nothing else is said. Likelihood is they assume something unavoidable prevented you from being there on time.

When others trust you typically they won’t question what you tell them, they will give you wide berth to perform without step-by-step instructions, there is no need for them to ask 20 questions or step in to fix a problem; they know you will handle it effectively. Listen to the words they use when they interact with you. And observe how they handle things. If you listen, watch and observe you’ll be able to determine their level of trust in you.