Whether you are in sales, customer service or leadership, building relationships with others is key to your success.  This isn’t about making friends or having people like you.  It’s about people feeling they can trust you and there is mutual respect.

Let’s start with some simple steps to building relationships:

Be real and genuine. 

That sounds simple and yet too often people aren’t.  In sales think of the smooth and polished fast talking salesperson.  They have a script, it’s the same for every interaction, and they look and act a part.  Or the customer service representative who continually apologizes for the problem you have, like they care, and yet tells you there is nothing they can do to help you because company policy is…

Consider the leader who tells the team how important they are yet ignores a death in your family or a serious health issue you or a family member is experiencing. 

And if you don’t care about other people don’t pretend.People feel the difference between someone who is genuine and real versus someone who acts the part or pretends.  You can’t fool people.  You certainly can’t fool people long term.

Be consistent in your actions and behavior.

Consistency in your actions and words is important.  If you want people to trust you the same person has to continually show up.  You can’t be the caring, empathetic person one day and dismissive the next.

Before working with a CEO, his HR Manager told me he was caring and he knew everything about his people.  She told me stories about how he would sit at the corner of his employees desks and ask about their family, their work and about them.   I saw a completely different person.  What I saw was the man who walked into the office, past his team to get to his office and didn’t even say good morning.  Maybe that other man showed up sometimes but the guy who couldn’t take the time to say hello showed up also. 

Years ago I hired an editor to edit my writing.  She lived in Texas and we worked together for years before I met her.  When we met she said “Linda, I knew exactly who you are from your writing.  You write like you talk and when we talk on the phone, when I read what you write and now that I have met you the same person shows up”.  It was flattering but more importantly it told me how important that consistency in actions and behavior is, how it impacts what people feel.

Ask questions about people’s challenges.

Make it all about others, not you.  Focus on the other person and their challenges, their needs and what’s bugging them.  If you are in sales what you are selling is only important if it solves a problem the prospect is experiencing or a need they have.  You won’t know what those are though if you don’t ask questions.

When I meet with a prospect, whether face-to-face, on the phone or via video I always ask one of the same questions at the beginning.  “How do you want this conversation to go or what would you like to get out of this conversation or what would be useful to you in our conversation today”…something that puts them in the driver seat.  It also provides me information on what is important to them and what they need from me.

Working with customer service teams I use a similar method for having them interface with customers.  When they get a call from an irate customer instead of simply listening and apologizing I encourage them to ask “What do you want to happen in this call today or what would be an ideal outcome for you (I can’t promise I can comply but let’s start there) or do you want to start by explaining the problem, tell me what you want or something else?”  Asking one of these questions not only diffuses some of the frustration of the customer who is expecting a fight,  they provide information and make the customer feel heard.

As a leader swooping in to problem solve for your team may feel like the right response, but it often leaves people feeling unheard.  Maybe they know the answer and are simply looking for validation.  Perhaps they have already tried your solution and it didn’t work.  If you ask questions instead of thinking you know the problem, and the answer, you’ll learn about their challenges and needs.  You will also learn how they think and noodle through a problem.

Building relationships is simple.  You have to care more about others’ needs  than yours.  You have to be willing to set aside your ego in order to understand what matters to others.

Zig Ziglar said “You can have everything in life you want,  if you help other people get what they want”.

What gets in the way of building relationships is often about communication.  Take our communication quiz and find out your communication style.  We provide ideas on how your style is helping you or interfering with you getting what you want.  Click the link below.