Most everyone I know thinks communicating is easy. In fact, most of them believe it’s the other person, not them, that is the problem. If only they would listen, if only they would do what I told them, if only…
If only is a phrase I hear all the time. Communication isn’t as easy as we think. I’m providing questions for you to answer to measure your communication skills, and a couple of communication skills exercises to help put you on the path toward productive conversations.

Answer these questions about yourself with yes or no.

1. Communicate information clearly, completely and accurately
2. Create an environment of open, honest communication
3. Am a good listener; ask questions to ensure understanding
4. Actions are consistent with words
5. Do not dominate conversations or group meeting; solicit opinions of others
6. Avoid certain discussion longer than I should or altogether
7. When someone can’t do something, I jump in with my advice
8. When I finish a discussion with someone, I check to see if the other person understands what we have discussed and that they are committed to the course of action
9. Frequently my conversations begin with one topic but by the end we are discussing another topic altogether
10. Discussions often do not end in resolution; they just end

Clearly this isn’t an exhaustive list, but it is a beginning. What if you had everyone in your organization take the time to answer the questions in this communication skills exercise, both about themselves and you? Would their responses be in line with yours, or would they be fairly different? I’m betting the latter as most of us don’t see ourselves as others see us.

Now try these communication skills exercises and see what happens:

1. This exercise is to identify when you are really listening. Really listening means not simply hearing the words but listening to the whole person.

• Have one of you talk about a problem you’d like to solve. Listen for content, emotion and intent. When the first person is done, the other person discusses what they heard. Then switch roles and repeat the exercise.

2. We get what we tolerate. People do not repeat behavior unless it is rewarded. That’s true whether it’s poor performance or poor communication.

• Identify 3-6 behaviors that you are tolerating as a team (or with an individual) and 2-4 that you are tolerating in other team members (or in the company as a whole). What needs to change and what will lead to success?

I believe that underneath everything that works or doesn’t work in our lives, personally and professionally, is communication. Communication doesn’t have to be arduous. However, successful communication takes practice. Answering the questions above and practicing with the communication skills exercises is a great first step toward having successful, fruitful conversations.

© 2014 Incedo Group, LLC