It’s not actually true that complaining accomplishes nothing…and I’ll get to that in a minute.

First, let me share a story…last week I was at a client’s office, let’s call the company Boomerang.  I spent eight hours on site with the intent of developing a workshop for them on communication, which included interviewing all 25 employees to get their insights on what they saw as the problem with communication at Boomerang.

Instead, I spent eight hours listening to complaint after complaint about the CEO, one of the senior managers and several other people.  A sampling of the complaints I heard were “The CEO doesn’t care about anyone but himself, he barks orders, returns to his office and you can’t talk to him”.  ‘My manager is so scattered. One minute she is asking for X and an hour later she comes storming out of her office asking for something else and complaining I haven’t finished X”.  “There are several people the CEO treats as sacred cows. They can’t do anything wrong even though they aren’t helpful to the rest of the team, show up whenever they want for work and act like they can do no wrong.”  “My manager micromanages everything I do…then complains when it’s not what she wants.”

And they didn’t just complain to me, they complained to their colleagues, to HR and I suspect anyone else that would listen.  Not only did I spend eight hours listening to complaints that I couldn’t do anything about, collectively they spent eight hours, and my guess is probably double that complaining to others.  Forgetting about my time, Boomerang lost at least eight hours of productivity, and that was just the time they spent complaining to me.

Last year I asked ten of my law firm clients how much time each partner spent listening to complaints, about their colleagues, other partners, clients, and managers.  The number was staggering. On average they told each one spent 5 or more hours EACH WEEK, that’s 20 hours a month per partner. These guys and gals are billing $400 – $800 an hour.  That’s an enormous amount of lost revenue and productivity for them and everyone who complains to them.

Here’s the dirty secret, complaining actually helps, just not in the way we think.  When we complain, and typically not to the person who we have an issue with we do feel better, at least at that moment.  We get it off our chests, dump it in someone else’s lap and can fool ourselves into thinking our frustration is now gone.

Here’s the Problem with Complaining

The situation hasn’t changed because the person we are speaking with has no ability to change anything.  Worse yet, besides the enormous time suck and loss of productivity, we enroll others in our drama, who enroll others.  There is an old commercial for a shampoo that called Prell, that said “and they told three friends and they told three friends’ with the idea that as people talked about Prell shampoo it would become a household word.  The same is true of complaining. Before you know it everyone is talking about the problem, even if it doesn’t affect them!

Worse yet the more we complain, the more frustrated we get.  And others around you now have sympathy complaining. They hear your story, even when they weren’t involved, they feel your frustration, hurt and anger and they get upset on your behalf.  In fact, they may even get pissed off at the situation or person thinking maybe they missed something they should have noticed. Now we have you spun up, and countless others each taking time away from their day.

Meanwhile, complaining improves absolutely nothing.  

What’s the solution?

Drive The Change Method

Here’s how I have stopped the cycle of complaining

Define the Problem:  I’m sick and tired of everyone complaining.  No one ever comes to me with a solution it’s way easier for them to sit around complain complain complain.   As I see it…it’s lowering morale and it is a vicious cycle of keeping everyone focused on the problems instead of finding solutions.

Grit Process:  Then we look at what are you willing or not willing to do to get to the solution.  Are you willing to set aside your excuses, step up and speak directly to the complainers?

Measure the progress: Once you’ve had those conversations, it may take more than one conversation to keep the complaining from being the focus.

While complaining may feel good, and we all do it, complaining accomplishes nothing except to waste time and continue the cycle of frustration. If you want something to change you must take responsibility for making the change.