Everyone in your company has to at some point have a difficult conversation with someone outside the company.

From having a conversation with a client with whom you need to share bad news, a vendor who is not performing to the standards you expect, to a candidate that you turn down and everything in between, sooner or later you will find yourself dealing with a conversation you would rather not have.

And if you have people in customer service, or front line relationships with customers (such as retail clerks, intake personnel and the like) they will be dealing daily with the likelihood of upset customers, clients, patients, etc. 

Let me tell you a story of a customer service team I was asked to help.

The COO sent me a recording and in the email and he said WTF! The recording went something like this.

Customer Service Rep:  “Mr. Customer I am calling to inform you of a delay in delivery”

Customer:  Again, this is the 3rd time.  What the %@#*$ is going on?

Representative:  We’ve had a delay in receiving materials at the factory and as soon as I know when you can expect delivery I will contact you.

Customer:  This was supposed to be delivered 6 weeks ago and now you are telling me there is another delay!  What the %@#*$ is going on? Why the @#%&#$ can’t you get your act together?

Representative:  It’s not my fault or the factory and as soon as I know something we will call you.

Customer:  %@#*$ i you, %@#*$ i me, this is ridiculous!

Representative:  It can’t be helped, anything else I can do for you today?

Customer:  Hangs up after spewing more curse words than I can put here

Same company, another true story:

Customer:  I have to cancel my appointment today at 6 PM as my mother has died.

Customer service rep:  Would 3 PM today work better?

Seriously?!  These are true stories, I listened to the recordings myself.  

What is missing here in both of these conversations is key.  Both customer service reps forgot that they were human beings who were dealing with other human beings and communicating with human beings is different than reading a manual and providing responses.

When anyone in your company has to have a difficult conversation first and foremost they need to be taught that they are dealing with people, who have feelings, concerns, fears, frustrations and a whole host of other emotions.  Ignoring emotions and feelings may seem easier but I promise you all it does is inflame the other person and won’t get the results you want.

If we don’t engage people at the human level we have lost the opportunity to deliver bad news in a way that the other person can hear it and not get hostile.  We miss the opportunity to problem solve and build a relationship.  

How have we gotten to the point in society that people are no longer considered when we have conversations with them? Is providing data more important than considering the person?  When did data become king instead of relationships?

When I first started working with the company above it became clear to me that they were functioning in a rote manner, reading some manual and not listening to the person.  What’s the first thing I did?

I took away manuals from everyone except brand new hires.  I wanted everyone in the company to learn to listen to the person on the other end of the phone and hear what they were saying and respond to them at the human level.

The second thing I did was to teach everyone to have respect for others.  Ignoring someone’s feelings of frustration or the death of a parent isn’t ok.  Providing excuses or worse yet suggesting there is nothing you can do about the situation isn’t acceptable.  All of this starts with listening to the other person and respecting them as people, more than simply checking off the box in the manual.

When you or someone on your team or in your company needs to have a difficult conversation with anyone, start by teaching them to see the person as a human first.  Then remind them that their job is about building relationships, not simply sharing information. Even if the conversation is about performance by the other person the old adage of “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar” applies.

When we quit caring about people it’s evident in how we interact with them.  They feel it and react with hostility, defensiveness, and resentment. It’s possible to prevent this or minimally reduce that chances that you will get these reactions if you remember that like you, they have feelings and how we treat them is important.

I often say how we choose to be in relationships with other human beings says a lot about us.  How we interact with others says everything about us. 

Want to know the secret to having those difficult conversations? 

Remind everyone who works for you that everyone deserves respect and to be treated as a human being.  It’s really simple…if you care enough.

Click the link below and download our checklist on Making Difficult Conversation Easy.