Recently I had a client ask me how to build relationships with prospects when you can’t sit across the table from them.  He shared that as his business was growing so was his referral network and many of these new referrals were located too far away from him to make it practical to visit, especially at the early stage of the sales process.

I was quiet for a minute as I considered how to respond to him.  Quiet because I wasn’t sure what to say, and quiet because I had worked with him for a couple of years before we ever met face-to-face.  He had hired me after one phone call, not even a video call.

My question to him was ‘how were we able to build a relationship when you are across the country’?  We were working together for a long time before we met,  and in the work we are doing he revealed many intimate details about himself. How was it possible in that one phone call that he sensed we could work together?

Many years ago when I owned a recruiting firm I met everyone I worked with.  I met 100% of all candidates and employers.  I wouldn’t have been open to believing that I could build a relationship and learn about someone without meeting them.  I needed to see their body language, shake their hand, watch them nod their head when I asked commitment questions and even see how they dressed and took care of themselves, all of which would tell me about them and help me build the relationship.

Twenty years later it’s rare for me to meet most of my clients.  They are all over the United States, and the world.  I’ve worked with people in Japan, China, the UK, India, Germany, Canada, across the US,  and more.  Meeting them wasn’t an option and yet in a phone call or two they went from them being a prospect to a client.  How is that possible?

In today’s world with the cost of travel being high, riots and protests everywhere, illnesses all over the world, meeting potential clients face-to-face is not always possible.  Companies with offices in multiple countries and locations still need interactions with them on a daily activity. 

So, going back to the beginning of this article how do you build relationships where people get to know you, trust you and communicate openly with you in a world that is so virtual? 

I turned around the question the client had asked me, and asked him two other questions.  The first was what happened during our phone call that gave him a sense of comfort and trust to hire me?  The second question was ‘and when you finally met me was I different in person than on the phone’. 

The answer to the second question was no, the person he spoke to on the phone initially, throughout our relationship and that he finally met was the same person. That says to me that authenticity is key to building high trust relationships, and that can be demonstrated to others even in a phone call. 

The answer to the first question was that he immediately had a strong reaction, in a positive way to me and our conversation.  He sensed I was down to earth, no nonsense and would be fun to work with.  From our conversation he felt like he knew me.   I suspect this relates back to being authentic.

Building relationships in a virtual world starts with being yourself.  Whether you are across the desk from someone or on the phone, the other person senses things about you that make them comfortable, or not.  This isn’t about being in front of them physically, it’s how you come across to them which is as evident on the phone as in person.

What do people sense when speaking with you whether in person or on the phone?

1. 1. Are you listening to them?  Are you paying attention?  Do you hear and understand their concerns, challenges, issues or things they need help with?
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3. 2. Are you focused on them or you?  When they are talking do you interrupt?  Do they sense that what you want to say is more important than what they have to say?
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5. 3. Can they trust you? Do they know how you think and how you might respond to them?  Are they comfortable sharing their secrets with you, their concerns and feel the conversations are confidential? 
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7. 4. Do they know you?  If asked can they describe you?  What adjectives would they use?  If they can’t answer this question they won’t go to the next step with you.

Whether you are building relationships virtually with prospects, or working with a team in another location, who you are comes across on the phone.  People can tell if you are paying attention and care about them.  They know if what they are saying matters to you.  There is no question that your true self comes across on the phone, just as it does in person. 

For in person meetings you may dress professionally and walk into meetings with all the right accoutrements that indicate success, and perhaps they form a positive first impression.  But what you say and how you come across and respond to them will be the factors that leave the lasting impression and influence their decision about you.  Who you are can’t be faked, at least not for long.

Building relationships is a critical element to success in sales, in business and in leadership.  If you believe that can only happen face-to-face you have a lot to learn.  Yes it’s wonderful to see the other person and have the picture of their face, but it is not essential for developing relationships.  Get comfortable with who you are as that is what matters.

Want to know the secrets to selling?

The principles used in successful selling apply to all relationships.  Click the link below and download Finkle’s Secrets to Selling.