How often do you say no?  No, I can’t attend the meeting.  No, I can’t can’t be a volunteer or sit on the board.  No, I can’t do the project by Tuesday? You get the point.  We say YES way too often and yet saying NO will improve your productivity.

Whether you realize it or not, every time you say yes to something it means you are saying no to something else.  Wait, why do I say that?  

We all have the same amount of time every day, every week.  While I often hear from clients “if only I had more hours in the day”.  And there isn’t a way to stretch the hours available to you. If, for example, you have 16 hours in a day (subtracting out time for sleeping), that has to include everything else…commuting to work, kids, work, exercise, errands and the list goes on.  I don’t know a single person (unless they are retired or don’t work) who tells me they have lots of available time. When you agree to do something it means something else will have to fall off your plate.

Why do we say yes?

Curious isn’t it that we say yes even when we don’t want to.  We worry that we will be seen as rude, unhelpful, impolite, inconsiderate and a host of other bad feelings they will have about us.

The person who asks us to volunteer for something seems as busy as us, maybe more so and they have time so how can we say no?  When our boss requests we complete a project with a date we know is unreasonable we are uncomfortable suggesting that for fear that we will be seen as someone who is making excuses.  

Sometimes we say yes because it’s an automatic reaction.  We are taught to please others and saying yes is automatic.  And frankly, we aren’t taught how to say no…it’s uncomfortable.

How can you say no without fear?

First stop and pause.  We often say yes without even thinking about it.  Then consider what else you have already committed to.  Do you have 5 hours a month to help with the PTA or your church or synagogue?  Are there already other projects you have on your plate that have looming deadlines?  Is travel or a conference in the near future taking you out of the office for days or weeks on end?  Is your calendar already booked to the max and adding another meeting means you’ll be working till midnight to complete work?

Stop, pause and think before responding yes.

Ask questions before saying anything.  If you are asked to handle a project ask questions about the scope, does it have to include everything or can the deadline be extended?  We often assume that when a request is made there is no wiggle room and in many situations there is. Is there someone else who can handle the project/problem/task and you were the first one asked but others are capable?  Ask questions so you know the facts instead of making assumptions.

Negotiate.  Can you be on a committee rather than chair it?  Is there an option for additional resources so you can complete the project by the deadline?  What can come off your plate in order to say yes to the request?  

Be respectful and offer an explanation.  You can’t say no all the time and I’m betting you say yes often enough that others know they can count on you.  When you want to say so, and need to say no, remind yourself that it’s an acceptable response, and will help the other person as much as saying yes.  

When we say yes and don’t keep our commitments what happens?  We feel guilty and the other party is frustrated and disappointed.  I promise they will be happier if you say no than say yes and don’t follow through.  

Explain why you have to say no.  It’s not about making excuses it’s about the realities of life.  If you have two projects already with close deadlines it’s likely you can’t take on another and have it be the quality both of you want, explain that.   If your travel schedule does not allow you to participate regularly on a sports team, let them know. Or if your children play sports and your nights and weekends are consumed with games and practices you don’t have time to be on a committee.

Here’s the thing.  We say yes way too often and then are overcommitted.  We miss deadlines, ignore emails or phone calls because we are already behind and are embarrassed to share this with others, and we are in a constant state of stress and frenzy.

No one can be at their best when overburdened and stressed.  You can’t be as creative, as thoughtful, have the ability to manage your emotions well or productive when you are thinking about the dozens of things on your to-do list, and are overcome with guilt about not getting to them.

Saying no is the best tool to improve your productivity.  What can you say no to this week?

Workaholics don’t say no.  And that is costly to you, those around you and the company.  

Download The Cost of Being a Workaholic and find out just how costly it is.