Do you compare yourself to others when setting goals?

We live in a competitive world, both personally and professionally. It’s difficult not to constantly be comparing yourself to others.  

Our parents and bosses and everyone around us compare us to everyone else. 

What college did you go to? How much money are you making? What are your grades in school? Do you have the right degree or certifications?  Are you going to get the promotion? And the list goes on.  

From elementary school on someone is smarter, more talented, cuter, more sociable, more likable than us.  We quickly learn that how we are judged is through the eyes of others, against many factors that are out of our control.

Thus it’s so easy when setting goals to compare ourselves to others and use them as the yardstick for setting goals.

I encourage you to stop that way of thinking.  It will only lead to frustration and you won’t be successful at achieving your goals as they are what you think they should be rather than what you want them to be.

Ask yourself when you are setting goals, why this goal is important to YOU!  Do you need an advanced degree in order to get promoted? Do you want to get promoted or is that something you think you should want? 

Many years ago when I owned a recruiting firm I interviewed a gentleman who told me his wife wanted him to become a vice president which was for status and money.  He told me she was embarrassed to tell her friends or people she met her husband’s profession. It was a struggle for him because he shared that he didn’t care about being a vice president, and really didn’t want to. 

So how could he make his wife happy and himself at the same time?

In order for him to become a VP, he needed an MBA, which meant 2+ years of school, at night and weekends when he would rather be at his son’s soccer games, or his daughter’s dance recitals.  I couldn’t answer the question he posed.

He wasn’t comparing himself to others, but his wife was and her goals became his goals.  Just like sometimes our boss’s goals become our goals even if they aren’t what we want or believe in.

In today’s world where everything is upfront and center via social media and the internet, it’s challenging not to compare yourself to others and think that what they have you should want.  But every choice you make is a trade-off.

You can’t work full time, travel 3 days a week, and work on obtaining a specific certification without missing something else you want to do. It’s just reality.

However, you can choose what is most important and focus on that.  If the goal is more time with your friends and family or more time for a hobby you enjoy it means you have to say no to something else. 

That’s not only okay, but it’s also what you should do.

There are no rules here except when you think about setting goals, choose the ones that matter to you, not the ones you think should be important not by comparing yourself to others. 

The choices others make are theirs and don’t have to be yours when setting goals. One gift about getting older is I no longer care what others think. I’m not out to impress anyone. I wish twenty years ago I know what I know now. 

I suspect I would have had less angst when setting goals for myself. 

Once you have thought about the type of goals that matter to you it’s time to create the goal.  Learn what you need to know about goal setting by downloading The Guide to Creating Goals and Milestones.