When I talk to leaders and mention the concept of mastering small talk, I usually get the same response. “I’m busy, Linda, and don’t have time for small talk with my employees or vendors or colleagues.” They clearly don’t see the value of this communication skill, and in fact see it as unimportant or unnecessary.

What Is Small Talk?

Everyone has a different definition, I suspect. For the purpose of this article, I am defining small talk as everything and anything where you are in conversation that has nothing to do with the business at hand. It could be about a vacation, new home, kids, volunteer work, sporting event attended, illness, death, hobby…you get the idea.

How often do you engage in small talk?

I bet your vendors engage in it with some degree of regularity. Sales people are “taught” to get personal with prospects and clients. If your vendor remembers to ask about your vacation, or how your surgery went, or about your kid’s softball tournament, you feel like you are more than just a sale, but someone important to them.

But how often do you do the reverse? Do you know about them as a person and what’s going on in their lives?  What would be the benefit to you to know?

The Value of Small Talk

I’ve hinted already as to the value of small talk…it makes people feel special, like you care about them beyond the role they play in your professional life. What else is the value of small talk?

When people see how much you care, they are more willing to go the extra mile for you.

Statistics show that employees are less likely to leave the company when they feel connected to their manager. This connection is often the result of feeling like their manager cares about and knows them at a personal level.

While our professional lives are important, our personal lives are important also.

No one is one-dimensional and recognizing this will help when you need to ask someone to work overtime or travel or something else that interferes with their personal life.

Difficult conversations are never easy, but they are easier when people feel connected to the other person.

Let me share a personal story of mine where small talk pays off:

Years ago when I was a recruiter, whenever someone told me they couldn’t consider a job change because they were buying a house, expecting a baby, had a big vacation planned, or some other event I always asked them when this event was going to happen.

Then I would make a note for a couple of weeks after the time frame they gave me to contact them.

And I always contacted them to ask how it went, did they pass the exam, was the baby born…you get the picture.

I can’t tell you how many times I heard comments like “I can’t believe you remembered” or “this is so sweet of you that you asked” and guess what? 

Many times that small talk turned into business for me down the road.

Was it solely because of mastering small talk, and then remembering? I’m not sure, but I am convinced it had a huge impact on them and how they felt about building a relationship with me.

There are many good reasons to consider small talk that helps with the performance of your company. 

Consider how you feel when someone asks you about your family or something that happened in your life.

Small Talk Has To Be Genuine

You may have less turnover, improved performance, less gossip, less complaining, greater willingness to contribute… when you invest in small talk, but those are a natural outgrowth of doing something genuine. People know if it’s genuine or the ‘thing you are just doing’.

The good stuff that happens when small talk occurs only happens when others feel you care.

If you really don’t care, then don’t ask and don’t invest in small talk. But don’t expect them to listen to your stories about how you spent all weekend in the yard and now your back hurts or the concert you attended or anything else if you aren’t willing to invest in them.

Small talk swings both ways.

People often are surprised when I ask if they have moved into their new house yet or the baby was born or about their vacation, etc. I’m surprised they are surprised and it just demonstrates my point; that these little things matter to people. And oh, by the way, it also says most of us don’t do it often enough.

Small talk is key if you want to build relationships. 

Find out what type of communicator you are, and if you are already doing small talk without even realizing it.

Click the link below to take our communication quiz.