Bad bosses are more than simply those that don’t lead well.  They can be mildly or highly toxic.  In fact many employees surveyed indicate that dealing with their boss is the most stressful part of their job. 

According to a Gallup survey, half of employees leave their jobs to get away from a toxic boss and 41% of American workers indicate they have been psychologically harassed on the job.

Do you have a toxic boss? 

Here are some of the biggest red flags.

1. Micro managing.  Not all bosses who micromanage are toxic but the underlying message is “I don’t trust you and don’t think you are capable of doing the task”. It can also show up as wanting to know where you are at all times or believing they can manage your schedule when you go to lunch and more. 

2. They never give constructive feedback.  You’ll rarely get recognized for your work or insights and while you hear lots of complaints and criticism you don’t hear anything positive.

3. You are expected to be a mind reader.  They give limited directions and expect you to understand, and get it right.  I worked with a manager who would say to her team “there’s a mistake, figure it out” and when they didn’t have any idea she chastised them.

4. They blame others for mistakes.  They never take responsibility for mistakes and are quick to blame others.

5. They are always right.  They believe they have all the answers and don’t like being challenged by anyone.

6. They talk about people behind their backs.  It’s one thing for your boss to talk to a counterpart about a person on their team, it’s something else to talk to team members about a person on the team.

7. They make inappropriate comments or gestures.  This can manifest itself by cutting you off in a meeting, putting others down in public, say disparaging comments or body language that indicates their disapproval.

8. Moods strike at random.  Everyone has a bad day now and then, we are all human.  Toxic bosses though shift from happy to mad in a nanosecond and everything in between and you are clueless as to what happened, or what to expect next.

9. There are benefits just for the boss. They come and go as they please. Take long lunches, don’t follow the dress code, leave things to the last minute and expect others to work through the night and weekend to handle. 

The list goes on. If someone on the team acted this way they would give you a stern talking to or write you up.

10. There’s a favorite or boss’s pet. Being the pet often has nothing to do with performance, which is frustrating. 

Their favorite has clear advantages such as the choice projects, first rights to time off, passes for poor performance and other benefits not made available to others.

How do you deal with your toxic boss?

As you can see from this list working with anyone who has these traits can be damaging emotionally and physically to you.  Don’t waste your time thinking they will change, or you can change them.  Here are strategies to help deal with this type of personality.

1. Find another job.  While finding another job is scary, the idea of staying in a job with a toxic boss should be scarier.  Begin your job search and take the time to do it well.  You don’t want to one day explode in a fury and just quit without another job in hand.

2. Explore opportunities within your organization. There may be other departments that could use your talents, find out.

3. Engage a support network.  This isn’t about gossiping with your colleagues, that won’t help.  Who are your friends and family outside of the company that can support you? What outlets/activities do you have outside of work.  Find a coach, therapist or other trained professional to help.

4. Forget giving feedback to them.  The toxic personality is narcissistic and is unwilling to look at themselves and consider how their behavior impacts others.  Trying to have this conversation is a set up for failure.  The best you can do is attempt to provide business rationale for your requests for resources or what you need.  It’s best if you put in terms of how it will help them, not you.

5. Go to HR.  This step isn’t likely to change the situation, but perhaps they have ideas on how to help you cope. 

6. Take care of yourself physically.  Not getting enough sleep, eating poorly or lack of physical activity can create stress.  Take care of yourself so you have the most energy to handle what you can’t control in your work environment.

You can’t change another human being and your certainly can’t change the toxic boss. 

Get what you can from the role you are in, learn what you can to accelerate your professional growth, and recognize that at some point for your physical and mental health you will have to quit.

Next steps:

How we communicate with others can ease the path when having difficult conversations, or it can turn those conversations to confrontations.

Ever wonder how your communication style works for or against you when working with others? 

Would you like to learn your style and what to consider to get the results you want more often from your team? 

This communication assessment assesses your style and provides constructive ideas on areas of development.